I couldn't write seeing the Tragedy that happened almost a week ago, it didn't seem appropriate. I'm not going to go on and on here. I only ask for all of us to hope and pray (if you pray) with Newtown. They will get through this but it's a long hard road.
On to happier items, I spent my evening last night wrapping presents and am done for quite a while (I would have been done but I just used a gift card given to my daughter to buy more presents for her).
I have applied to the University finally, and I am excited but also sick to my stomach, I wanted to spend these years with my Daughter to devote myself as the best Mother I can be but this is important for her too. To realize you can finish things you start, even if it's hard and it's been a while.
Also I will be posting a HUGE list of Christmas movies I (and my Daughter) have watched, I'm telling you be prepared!
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Needing help, an intervention, a miracle.
My Husband diligently says, believes, and will always believe that he does not have PTSD. If that is truly the case that means....that he is just this way naturally. How does someone handle that?
Thanksgiving went ok, my parents actually make a nice buffer though that hasn't stopped him from degrading me in front of them at least once a trip.
His family all of a sudden has come out of the woodworks to say how much they dislike me and how lazy, LAZY I am for being a stay at home Mom. Telling him that I need to get a job or go back to school (I left school of my own volition to marry and be with him, I could not transfer because I was missing ONE HOUR of math and there were no community colleges that offered the course I needed in the area, on top of it he was a Lance Corporal, we couldn't afford it or daycare when our Daughter came along. NOT to mention that the daycare on base had a year waiting list and we were going to move within a year either way. Yea why didn't I jump back in?)
I am the sole emotional provider for our child and I do everything for her. I change every diaper, I feed her every meal, I put her to bed every night. He is only awake/home for one or two hours when she's awake every day. How dare they treat me like I'm worthless. No wonder he always treats me like it, they all agree!
I've also been accused of keeping him away from his family even though he has told them time and time and time again that it is not me but him who doesn't want to visit. That I want him to see his family and be close to them. Then his Mother and Brother say I'm only nice to her when I want something from her. Except for the fact that I hate it when she gets me anything because there's always a price tag attached.
I should be happy that he called to defend me, but when he's saying 'I handle my wife, you have a problem with her you tell me and I'll deal with her.' Great, apparently I'm livestock. He also said that if he wanted me to have a job, I'd have a job. What the hell has happened to me? I am 24 years old, I was on the dean's list, the president's list, and in Golden Key National Honors society in college before I left. So please tell me how I can be so stupid. I know this is one big piddle rant but I am drowning and I can't do anything about it. I have to finish my degree first (a mid-year Junior with 88 out of 120 hours, not bad for never having taken a summer class, huh?) and then get a job because I want to. But, no matter what I do I have to share joint custody with him and I'm not trying to be vengeful but I am honestly afraid of leaving her with him in that sort of situation and she wouldn't be with him except Sunday and that is is his only day off. On top of it all I would not be able to leave the city/county because of this State's divorce laws. So I am begging anyone who has been through this to reach out to me. It doesn't have to be some public comment, please email me at dramahuman@gmail.com
At the end of my rope here, if he continues to think of me as his inferior, his property, how do I justify staying?
Thanksgiving went ok, my parents actually make a nice buffer though that hasn't stopped him from degrading me in front of them at least once a trip.
His family all of a sudden has come out of the woodworks to say how much they dislike me and how lazy, LAZY I am for being a stay at home Mom. Telling him that I need to get a job or go back to school (I left school of my own volition to marry and be with him, I could not transfer because I was missing ONE HOUR of math and there were no community colleges that offered the course I needed in the area, on top of it he was a Lance Corporal, we couldn't afford it or daycare when our Daughter came along. NOT to mention that the daycare on base had a year waiting list and we were going to move within a year either way. Yea why didn't I jump back in?)
I am the sole emotional provider for our child and I do everything for her. I change every diaper, I feed her every meal, I put her to bed every night. He is only awake/home for one or two hours when she's awake every day. How dare they treat me like I'm worthless. No wonder he always treats me like it, they all agree!
I've also been accused of keeping him away from his family even though he has told them time and time and time again that it is not me but him who doesn't want to visit. That I want him to see his family and be close to them. Then his Mother and Brother say I'm only nice to her when I want something from her. Except for the fact that I hate it when she gets me anything because there's always a price tag attached.
I should be happy that he called to defend me, but when he's saying 'I handle my wife, you have a problem with her you tell me and I'll deal with her.' Great, apparently I'm livestock. He also said that if he wanted me to have a job, I'd have a job. What the hell has happened to me? I am 24 years old, I was on the dean's list, the president's list, and in Golden Key National Honors society in college before I left. So please tell me how I can be so stupid. I know this is one big piddle rant but I am drowning and I can't do anything about it. I have to finish my degree first (a mid-year Junior with 88 out of 120 hours, not bad for never having taken a summer class, huh?) and then get a job because I want to. But, no matter what I do I have to share joint custody with him and I'm not trying to be vengeful but I am honestly afraid of leaving her with him in that sort of situation and she wouldn't be with him except Sunday and that is is his only day off. On top of it all I would not be able to leave the city/county because of this State's divorce laws. So I am begging anyone who has been through this to reach out to me. It doesn't have to be some public comment, please email me at dramahuman@gmail.com
At the end of my rope here, if he continues to think of me as his inferior, his property, how do I justify staying?
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